The Importance of Family By: Sam Di Santi

 The Importance of Family By: Sam Di Santi

***Works Cited at the bottom of the Blog Post*** 

Introduction: 

    I know it sounds incredibly cheesy, but the importance of family spans far beyond what most people realize. Our families, the relationships we have with our parents, the type of home we come from impacts our lives in every way. The way we act around other people, how we communicate, our level of success, the way we approach certain problems, can all be traced back to our home lives in some way. It's not just about how much we love our families or the mistakes they've made, it's about how the way we were raised impacts every part of our lives, whether we consciously know it or not. I'd like to combine my personal experiences with how important my family is to me and how scientific research depicts the importance of family. There is almost always a way to overcome hardship, but there are certain factors that may make us more suitable for success or less suitable. I believe my family situation has given me my best chance of becoming successful, but I am well aware that not everyone has that privilege. My family is the most important thing in my life, and without them, I don't know where I would be today. I am forever thankful for them and want to outline all the good they've done for me because they deserve it. 

The Research: 

    I've come across a lot of research that describes just how much the way your parents act around you as a kid impacts conflict resolution skills developed as an adult. According to a University of Illinois study review, if your parents "fought fair" in front of you as a child, you're more likely to be a well-adjusted adult. Fighting fair means that your parents wouldn't scream or raise their voices at one another, they wouldn't belittle each other or use harsh language that could be harmful. Instead, they would compromise, keep their tones low and calm. If they did make a mistake or raise their voice, they would apologize, and try to keep the relationship as healthy as possible even in heated situations. This makes a lot of sense to me, if your parents model a healthy relationship and appropriate behavior in an argument, then that child is likely to model that behavior. Very young kids are usually copy cats, when I was little I used to imitate my siblings because I wanted to be just like them. Some kids do this with their parents, and if a child copies positive behavior it will help them to be better off in their adult lives.

    Tying into the copycat behavior, research has also found that if a child copied all of what their parents did they are more likely to be open-minded. According to a study at the University of KwaZulu-Natal in Durban, South Africa, and the University of Queensland in Australia if you copied everything your parents did, even when it didn't make sense, you're more likely to have a mindset that something occurs for an "unknown" reason. This makes adults more open to sharing cultures or accepting more outlandish ideas because they're just different from you are. The idea is that you won't need an in-depth explanation, it's just how they are and you accept that, within reason of course. 

How Parents Expectations Impacts Sucess:

    From an educational standpoint, if your mom finishes college, you're more likely to do the same. In a 2014 study done by the University of Michigan, it was found that mothers who finished high school or college were more likely to have kids who would do the same. It was found that children born to teen moms who didn't finish school were more likely to not finish high school or college. The aspirations of the child are also partially responsible, college isn't always the right route for most people, but some of it has to do with the standard set by the parents. More often than not, people associate college degrees with a higher level of success. As time goes on, this has been becoming less and less true, but most people believe it's easier to get a job and be successful when you have a degree over someone who doesn't. 

    Similarly, your parent's expectations about college impact what a child may decide to do. A study done at UCLA headed by professor Neal Halfon found that a parent's expectations have a major impact on whether or not those goals are attained. Parents who see college in their child's future tend to push them in that direction, even if there were better income opportunities. This data came from standardized test scores, of the kids who did well, 97% of their parents expected them to go to college. Of the kids who performed poorly, only 57% of their parents expected them to go to college. This lines up with another theory in psychology, the Pygmalion effect, which states that what another person expects from you can eventually become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Meaning, if your parents expect you to go to college, get a job, buy a house, get married, and have kids you are more likely to do so. What they wanted for you becomes what you want, and with their encouragement, you're more likely to do it.

This is an example of the Pygmalion effect.

This is the general template for the impact of the Pygmalion effect.

Our Family's General Impact on Our Behavior: 

    Countless studies have shown that if our parents treat each other with respect and act as role models it helps us to have better relationships. The same is true with siblings, if your siblings treated you well and always knew when to apologize or act with compassion, it makes our lives easier as adults. We have seen people forgive as children and communicate when there were problems, this experience makes it easier for us to have healthier relationships. The same is true if parents are constantly fighting and the household feels volatile or unstable, the child will most likely become overly worried or feel very anxious, potentially causing problems in the future. There are also "emotional wounds" that can occur. Almost everyone has these, whether they felt neglected, underappreciated, criticized, micromanaged, or like they weren't heard in their household. These wounds never really heal and can cause issues with romantic relationships or relationships in general as an adult. If you were constantly criticized as a child, you may have lower self-esteem. If you only got attention when you did something really amazing, you may feel like you always have something to prove. This can cause different behaviors in future relationships due to the way your household was run as a child. All of this research clearly describes how important our families are from a scientific standpoint, but there is also a clear emotional impact on our family units. I would like to also examine the importance of my own family and how they have impacted my life for the better. 

Why Family is Important to Me (My Parents): 

    My family is the most important thing in the world. They are constants in my life, they never leave and are always there for me. I have never once been disappointed by my family and am so lucky that I have them. My parents are the two most amazing people I've ever met. Their love for each other and for us is so amazing to see. They are my role models and have shown me what a marriage should be like. They truly love each other and communicate well, they have shown me how to resolve conflict without getting overheated and keeping the relationship healthy. They have always had high expectations for me, but have never been overbearing. They know my potential and are always proud of me when I reach my goals, they keep a good balance between letting me solve my own problems and being there for me. I have never felt like they were helicopter parents, but they weren't absentee either. They are not perfect people and have always let me know that, but they are about as close as you can get. I am so lucky that my parents have always sacrificed for our family and that they love us so much. They took care of everything, so I could have everything I ever wanted. The sacrifices they have made for my dreams are something I will never take for granted. They modeled good relationships for me and have given me my best chance at success. They laid the groundwork, the rest is up to me, and I hope I measure up to become even half the people they are. 

Our whole family.

Why Family is Important to Me (My Siblings): 

    I have four siblings: Paul, Amanda, Rebbeca, and Jessica. We are all very close and love each other so much. In the roughest of times, we were there for each other, and having 4 people I know I can trust, without a doubt in my mind, is so special. They are my built-in best friends and the trust I have for them is something that can never be replicated. We grew up together, and even though we're in different phases of life now, we're still siblings and will always be around whenever anyone needs anything. We do fight at times, just like all siblings do, but they modeled forgiveness. How to apologize and give grace when necessary, and how to work together. One thing I have always loved about having a big family is that we learned how to work with one another. I am very different from my siblings, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it means we work through problems differently and have different ideas about certain things. We've learned to cooperate and compromise, and how we are far stronger as one team than we could ever be as individuals, so we have to be there for one another. These life lessons are ones that most people take decades to learn, and I was able to get them down in my childhood. Having them around has been my biggest blessing and I am so happy that I get to call these people my family. 

(Top Row L-R) Rebecca, Paul, Jessica. (Bottom Row L-R) Samantha, Amanda.

Why My Family is Important to Me (My Dogs): 

    If you haven't noticed, I somehow tie my dogs into everything I write about because they make it easy. I have so much to say about who they are and how important they are to me. I love my dogs with all my heart, and raising them has given me a much different perspective on life. As my mom would say, they sure are cute but they're a lot of work. They have challenged me in new ways, but have also taught me how to be selfless and put someone else before myself. The unconditional love they have for me is something I try to apply in every aspect of my life. They love me no matter what happens, and that quality is something we could all learn from. I've had four dogs in my life, and they've all been so different. Duncan, Lily, Gus, and Rosie have all impacted my life in more ways than one, and if you want to hear all about that you can read my November blog post. I could go on forever about my dogs, but they have helped me in so many ways with my mental health and teaching me to be a better person. I've often wondered why dogs live for such a short time, and I heard something I really loved. "People are born learning how to live a good life, how to be kind, selfless, loving, but dogs are born already knowing how to do all that, so they don't need to stay as long." Dogs have it all figured out and make fewer mistakes than humans ever do. Knowing my time is limited with my dogs has made me appreciate them that much more and I love every moment I get to spend with them. They are very special to me, and without them, I would not be the same Sam. 

Rosie and I celebrating Christmas. 

Gus and I celebrating Christmas. 

Conclusion:

    After combing through all the research describing how much your family can impact your life, I realized just how lucky I am. Most of the impacts are negative and I realized I haven't had to experience that. I have had amazing role models showing me healthy relationships, love, compassion, and a wonderful support system most people would kill for. I am so lucky and I will never take that for granted. My family isn't perfect, nowhere close, but we love each other and we know how to support one another, which is more than most people can say. I am so happy I wrote this blog, it gave me a new perspective and made me even more thankful for the wonderful people in my life. I only wish that everyone could experience a family like mine. 

Works Cited

Gillett, Rachel. “30 Scientific Ways Your Childhood Affects Your Success as an Adult.” Business Insider, Business Insider, 26 Nov. 2016, www.businessinsider.com/how-your-childhood-affects-your-success-as-an-adult-2016-11#-17.

Taibbi, Bob. “4 Key Ways Your Childhood Shapes You.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 8 Mar. 2019, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201903/4-key-ways-your-childhood-shapes-you.

Zitzman, Bryan. “Importance of Family: Why Is Family Important [Really Important].” FamilyToday, BNMedia, LLC Https://Www.bnmediallc.com/, 14 Oct. 2020, www.familytoday.com/relationships/importance-of-family/.